I heard recently from a wife who was very confused what had happened in her marriage and where she went away. About six months ago, her husband had come home and told her that he needed some "time" for himself.He knew that he wanted some time apart if the marriage was something he wanted to continue to fight for. Couple have had some potentially serious issues, but it seemed that he was losing his patience.
The wife did the man she hoped that request time off would make him see what a mistake as he did, but apparently this is not the case, since last week, the man known as the wife and replied that he wanted a divorce. Of course, she knew that there was a possibility, but it doesn't make it less difficult.
She said, in part: "I gave him what he asked. I gave him his space.I let him go.But now that I have done what he asked, it doesn't matter; He would still have a divorce; how this happen? And where this leaves me now? "
I will try to discuss concerns as best I can in the following article.
Sometimes men have their own agenda when they ask you for your time: I knew not whether people in this marriage.I had no way to know how he really felt or what prompted or pushing him right now.But I hear sometimes from men in this situation; and sometimes, they have their own agenda when they request a space; for some reason you can't actually take any space or think hard about saving marriage. They use the time apart as a springboard to their new life or something happens during the separation process (which does not even have anything to do with you) that moves them against divorce. Some men have actually been a divorce their mind all the time, but they hope that the time and suddenly will change the view. Some men eventually change their and others not depending on their own terms defines, perceptions and experiences.
Determine whether everything went wrong when he had his time and if you still can change his Mind: In this case the wife eventually came to recognize that she actually had not given man what he had asked for. Yes, he had moved.But the wife was always present and are often called, texted, and came across without invitation is very common in situations like this. Like many women in this situation was the wife of fear. She was so afraid that if she reinforcement, just a little bit, she would lose on the grounds that she could not afford to lose.
Looking back, she realized that her continued presence may have done more harm than good. Many times, it was obvious that the man was getting annoyed by the whole process. But, the more he tried to pull, the more she felt, and so she felt compelled to act instead of thinking.
Unfortunately has backfired. It was quite possible that the man felt that for the time that he had asked for, and still wanted to, he will need to continue the divorce the last several weeks, they had unfortunately already expired; the wife could not take the last several weeks back. Her task at hand right now was with reality as it was the question was whether it; still time and space to turn things. I needed this answer for her. Sometimes it Shows itself to be a sufficient amount of time and things actually work. And sometimes they don't.But regardless, the wife still had control over his actions and yourself, which brings me to my next point.
Determine What You Can Control And to continue:Right now, it was clear that the wife has no control over the man's actions.She could not leave pick their feelings.But she had control over the emotional environment.And she was able to control their own measures; She decided that she would try to take the high road and focus on the positive.I felt that it was the right way to go because she did not want to add negativity to an already difficult issue and another thing to consider is that a divorce is not normally an immediate process.There is little time between the point where some files for divorce (which he had also done) and when it is final.
So, it was time to try to re-establish a positive relationship and and hopefully give the man his room and let the process works.Although she had not done so previously.Nor had she necessarily presented itself in a positive way; Course there is no guarantee that do to the husband's change or convince him to call off divorce; But deep down, the wife knew that this was the best plan for her.
It is my experience that when you place the focus on the positive and presenting yourself as strong, capable, and managing, not just you present the strongest image to your spouse, you also need to put yourself in a situation to feel better about yourself; This will often be translated in a feeling of confidence and peace of mind that leads to a much better environment and a potentially better results.
Nothing says that it was not his wife, her husband (and yourself) shows the fun loving committed woman that he used to love around. This would probably be more preferable to the clinging, uncertain and panicked that have occurred during the last few months.
After my husband had left, I didn't understand these principles and I went on to save marriage in completely the wrong way; I bowed to negative feature that just drove my husband away; thankfully, I soon realized my mistake and decided to approach things from a different angle and this eventually worked.
